Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen and welcome to my blog.
This blog will be about books. And also any weighty matters and important issues of the day.
Today’s weighty matter is…
People I fancy in books.
I also like lists, so here is a list of:
My top five book boyfriends
1. Dave the laugh from the Georgia Nicholson series by Louise Rennison
Now, before you point out that Dave is only 16 at the end of the series - I was 12 when the first Georgia book came out and for the middle books I was the same age as her and the Ace Gang. It is only recently that have I careered off into old age, while the Gang remain youthful and full of the possibility of life.
So this is a book boyfriend for my 15-year-old self. (Not that I think my brain has changed much since then). The Georgia books were the great discovery of my youth (better than baggy jeans, blue wkd or boys). I did not know there were books so funny they could make you laugh like a loon (on loon tablets) in public.
I was rooting for Georgia to pick Dave from the moment he told her he loved her while wearing a clown nose. I had no time for the Sex God or the Lurrve God – gorgeous, but ever so slightly dull. And I have continued to favour him up until the most recent book (the LoveTwit short story for World Book Day) when he told Georgia to draw a face on a melon for snog practice while he was away.
Book boyf rating: 9/10. Perfect on the humour front – he just needs to age 10 years, and also I don’t like melons.
2. Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
If you don’t agree with this one then I don’t think we can be friends.
I have to admit that I first watched rather than read P&P – I was 9 when the BBC version was on. So when I did read the book I imagined Colin and Jennifer and I cannot imagine a BC (Before Colin) world.
But women have been getting silly over this man for years. He may be a bit on the arrogant side at first (and let’s face it, that’s not completely unattractive – how often does ‘He’s so up himself’ really mean 'I SECRETLY FANCY HIM' ?)
He soon begins to win over Lizzie and the (not very)reluctant reader. After proposing like an arse, he writes THAT letter (which would send a lesser woman than Lizzie into a swoon, but does give her a headache). Then his housekeeper tells us what a lovely bloke he really is. Then he turns up (fresh from the lake) and starts being a lovely bloke who wants us to meet his sister. Then he secretly saves the day. Then he makes a much better proposal that includes the words ‘dearest loveliest Elizabeth’, so I can pretend he is talking to me.
Book boyf rating: 9/10. Can be a bit proud, but he does have a massive house and £10,000 a year.
3. a Weasley from Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling
This means that, if I were to live in Harry Potter land (I still hold out hope that this might be possible because JK can do anything), I would get myself a Weasley boyfriend.
This is because the Weasley boys are funny and quite cool and definitely the best family in the books. And I would have half-wizard, half-ginger children – quite a rarity. Now I’ve worked out that I would probably need to go for Charlie or George, because Bill’s married, Percy’s Percy, Fred’s something that rhymes with Fred and Ron’s with you know who.
I don’t mean he’s with Voldemort, I am just trying not to spoil anything for people that haven’t read Harry Potter.
Don’t you think people that haven’t read Harry Potter are a bit weird?
Now Charlie fights Dragons, and George works in wizarding joke shop. So in the interests of humour and being less likely to be widowed, I’ll go for George.
(I don’t know which one George is)
Book boyf rating: 8/10. Would get to have Mrs Weasley as a mum-in-law, but the practical jokes could get annoying. And if you did get annoyed with him he’d probably just disapparate.
4. Henry VIII from VIII by H. M. Castor
I know what you are thinking – fat bloke in a silly hat, lots of wives, bit of a bastard. Wrong! Well, except about the wives and being a bit of a bastard. When I read VIII by H.M. Castor for a history books feature in Armadillo (link), I got my first crush on a historical figure.
Except maybe for Julius Caesar.
No? Good bust though.
VIII is from Henry (or Hal, as he is in the book)’s point of view. We feel we understand him because we see him grow up, haunted by his turbulent childhood and a terrifying stay in the Tower of London. We see him being rather charming to his brother’s widow, Catherine of Aragon (see – he was quite nice to the ladies at one point, it was only when he got older and grumpier he started going round trying to divorce/kill them).
We see Hal when he was young, handsome and idealistic. When he spent his days engaging in good healthy fun like jousting, staging a mock siege of a castle with his mates and trying to conquer France.
This means that as he ages and becomes a cruel tyrant and starts killing off his wives, you still feel for him because you've been there from the beginning and remember that he wasn't always cruel and tyranty..
It also helps to imagine he looked like this:
Book boyf rating: 7/10. Would get to swan around Hampton in a queenly manner and go to banquets. Just remember to have a son.
5. Peeta Mellark from the Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins.
I was Team Peeta from the start. He was so obviously Pacey to Gale's Dawson. How could you have thought it was a charade, Katniss, you FOOL?! Had it been me, I would have known from the beginning and just found some way of 'burrowing' out of the arena with Peeta and running away to be a baker's wife and not kill anyone.
What do you mean the Capitol wouldn't have let me do that and would probably have shot us both? Pipe down.
Peeta is sweet and funny and even jokes around with Katniss in the arena (he could have been called Peeta the MelLAUGH if that wouldn't have been a bit inappropriate in a dystopian future where teenagers fight to the death on tv), while I found Gale a bit angry (although he does have his reasons, I'll give him that). And it's always nice when someone risks their life for you.
Book boyf rating: 8/10 Good at baking bread and being desperately in love with you, but liable to being brainwashed into thinking you are evil.
So those are my five - who have I missed?? Do let me know
(Thanks to Templar Publishing for the VIII film, which was produced by final year students at Bath Spa University in conjunction with Artswork Media, Bristol)